Case File: Ghetto Gourmet

For those that don't know, I live in Paterson, NJ. It's not quite lifestyles of the rich and famous out here. Some may even label it as the hood. Tomatoes, "to-mah-toes." I call it home.

That being said (Yes there was a point to that intro) yesterday I went to the supermarket for my parents on the hunt for some barbeque snackage. I see a middle-aged woman in the snack aisle looking rather perplexed. She looks at me and says, "Do you know where they are? This place is impossible."

"What are you looking for?" I'll bite. I've never seen someone confused by chips before.

"Where are the Funyuns? Do they sell them here?" She looked pretty distressed. Chick must love her faux onion products.

"I don't think so," I replied, "But they have these Wise Brand Onion Rings! =D" Yes, I even said "equals D" at the end because just smiling wasn't enough... I had to translate it in Internet Junkie as well.

"O my son won't eat those. I call that the ghetto brand."

"Ghetto brand?"

"Yeah. I'm from Conneticut, I'm just visiting family. We have Funyons where I live. Thanks for your help though!" And she smugly walks away.

Now let me get this straight... Wise Brand Onion Rings are ghetto... and Funyons aren't? It all makes sense now! I didn't realize that Funyons were so revered within upper middle class communities. I was under the impression that eating any imitation onion ring product was fairly "ghetto."

Whether I buy a fake Movado in Chinatown or Milan... I'm pretty sure it's still a shittily constructed watch.

So now I'm officially representing the Fuck Funyon Foundation. Yeah, I said it. Everytime you eat a Funyon a baby angel commits suicide. Seriously. They hate baby angels in Conneticut. Their state motto is "Die, baby angel, die!" Or something like that. Look it up... I think it's in the Bible somewhere or something.

"I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Puffy is good, but Wise-Brand is for the children!" - Old Dirty Bastard