Case File: The Revelation Won't Be Televised

I was walking to Port Authority from work when an older, pungent gentleman ran up to me and politely stated...

"AMERICA IS A HAVEN FOR CRIMINALS AND SINNERS! GOD IS COMING TO PURGE THIS WORLD OF IT'S WRONG-DOERS!!!"

... All while shoving a tattered Bible in my face.

Now, this had me shitting in my pants (which sucked obviously because my pants were freshly laundered). I had absolutely no clue that God was coming! I mean... this was so unexpected. I need to spruce up and put on some un-shat pants.

Suddenly, the sky parted and an elderly man enveloped in light descended to earth.

Dre: Holy shit! God really is White!
God: Calm down, stupid. I'm here to purge this world yada, yada, yada...
Dre: So wait... Is this the Rapture?
God: What else would it be?
Dre: Well I dunno... It just seems a bit... uneventful
God: You people always want a freaking show. OK fine.
Muslim God: WAIT A SEC! What the hell is going on here?!?!
God: Ignore him. He's just an old college buddy of mine. He won't accept that I run shit around here.
Muslim God: Who has the bigger following? Yeah that's what I thought.
God: Dude... don't you have some infidels to go slaughter?
Jewish God: At least he's not going around having illegitimate children!
God: Who asked you? Jesus was a blessing.
Jewish God: Hey kid... I would never father a son out of wedlock. And if you join me you get to wear this nifty hat and run Hollywood.
Dre: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you know I don't actually believe that... who knew Jewish God was an anti-Semite
Jehovah's Witness God: Hey, have you guys ever heard of me?
God/Muslim God/Jewish God: Great.......
Dre: I'm sorry we're not interested
Jehovah's Witness God: I'll only take a minute of your time. Why don't you look over this pamphlet.

At this point all the other God's discreetly edged away and ascended back to their respective heavens while Jehovah's Witness God yapped my ear off for the next 2 hours about how great he is. When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise I said...

Dre: Have you ever considered that you may be wrong?
Jehovah's Witness God: I'm God. I can't be wrong.
Dre: Yeah, but so are they. You can't all be right.
Jehovah's Witness God: Have you read the pamphlet?
Dre: I actually did. And there's really no significant difference between any of you. If I lead a good life I'll get salvation right?
Jehovah's Witness God: I guess...
Dre: So back off and stop whoring yourself out... I've got some shitty pants to clean
Tom Cruise: Hey... You guys should take this awesome test!
Dre/Jehovah's Witness God: Great..............