The Mind of Dre

December 32nd

2008-01-01T20:20:00.000-05:00

Well happy f-ing New Year. It’s 2008 and I bet you can’t wait to get a jump on not following your list of resolutions. As I sit here with a frosty beer (Chouffe Houblon) and a day off from my weekly indentured servitude known as work, I’m reminded of the adventure that was 2007.

And by adventure I mean cluster fuck.

Then again, every year is (not in a bad way). Why? Because a new year isn’t a new start. It’s just another day.

Another hour.

Another second.

Another (insert measurement of time).

There are, however, some things to look forward to in 2008 other than taxes, getting older and presidential hopefuls (for me at least).

The venture to end all ventures is coming extremely soon. I’ve been quietly working on some projects that’ll rock your face off. While I explain what they are, feel free to pretend that your face is actually being rocked from sheer excitement.

Wevue TV (Launching Feb – March) – Layman’s terms? It’s an online TV station. Geek terms? It’s a site with a group of weekly produced video podcasts. It’s looking like the demographic is skewing towards 16-35 males, but I’m hoping anyone can enjoy what we have to offer.

The Mind of Dre (Launching Jan – Feb) – I finally have a use for my domain. A web comic! Hold your applause. I know it’s hard to do so amongst all this face rocking. Don’t expect anything politically correct. I take jabs at everything.

Calendar Theory (Debuting March) – I talked a lot of shit about this musical project of mine, and yes, it’s still coming. Soon. I hope. I have all the beats. Everything’s written. All I need to do is record. Give me 3 months.

There are some other projects (nothing huge), but if I ever needed support now would be an awesome time. Wevue will also have a launch party at some point so keep the date I haven’t set yet free.

OK… I need to enjoy my 1^st (daytime) beer of 2008. Think free, bitches.

Case File: I am Sofa King Wee Stad Ed

2007-10-08T13:19:00.000-05:00

You ever play a video game, know you're about to lose and eventually restart the damned thing?

That's what I did with life. I pressed the big fucking restart button, which doesnt actually do anything in the sense of allowing me to travel back in time, but it gives me a new perspective.

New ideas.

New goals.

My dear readers (or lack thereof), stay tuned.

Case File: Dingos Ate My Baby New Year

2007-09-10T11:21:00.000-05:00

Four more months... That's all I have to wait until this year of odd, random occurrences is over... Although the concept of the year has little to no actual bearing on life itself other than it being the length of time it takes for the Earth to circle the sun... The notion that a new year is equivalent to a fresh new start is all in our heads....

Like the Easter Bunny....

And Ben Affleck's acting abilities...

This year for me has been quite the clusterfuck... almost a life representation of a beautifully chaotic art piece... that you'd be damned if you understood it's underlying meaning

Like that "Dogs Playing Poker" portrait... one day I'll crack the meaning behind that one dammit.

************

I saw this episode of America's Most Wanted where 4 guys stole a sum total of 14 million bucks... 2 guys were caught... the other 2 fled the country with over 10 million unrecovered... Bastards

So nearing the end of a much needed beer night I asked Santiago a round of questions on what he would do for money....

Dre: Dude... 1 million is alot of money
Sant: Yeah... but still.....
Dre: Ok ok... $5 million to let Nelson give you a hand job...
Sant: For how long?
Dre: Until you finish
Sant: Ugh.......
Dre: And in front of your parents
Sant: Fuck that... no
Dre: Really?... I'm pretty sure he's got soft hands
Sant: Haha... no
Dre: Yeah you're right... But what if I told you that you you wouldn't have to worry about money for the REST of your life if you did this
Sant: Eh... I dunno....
Dre: Bro, it's not gay or anything... he would just be helping you out with something you'd normally do on your own anyway

But alas, I couldn't fool Sant into saying yes... I'm pretty sure he knew once he did all it would result in would be a bevy of gay jokes... Maybe I'll think of a more creative scenario next year.

Case File: End Game

2007-09-02T22:35:00.001-05:00

OK... this is gonna sound like a morrbid post, but bear with me.

We've all done it before. We think about death. It's once of life's few inevitabilities.

Death (presumably) sucks. But what sucks even harder is the thought of who may not potentially give a shit of your passing. Yeah, there'll be someone out there that you know who will absorb the news of your demise as a passing thought. Awesome, right?

Not really.

So I thought about this during a bout of insomnia. Too often I go out of my way for people - people who I'm not certain if they'd do the same for me. I go to all the birthday parties. I get the check. I'll be the ride home. Not because I'm some pussy-fied chump; it's because I value the people in my life. But then the death thoughts come in and I wonder who'll cry the longest.

Or laugh... depending on how you remember me. Hopefully the latter.

It's such a mindfuck of a topic, isn't it? No one wants to think about these things, but I think it's an intriguing topic, albeit somewhat morbid as I previously stated.

Anyway, there's no underlying message behind this, which is normally the case with my posts. No bigger picture. No sublimities. Just a question that I pose to you. Next week I'll tackle "Where's the Beef?"

I heart bad Eighties commercials.

Case File: The Revelation Won't Be Televised

2007-08-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

I was walking to Port Authority from work when an older, pungent gentleman ran up to me and politely stated...

"AMERICA IS A HAVEN FOR CRIMINALS AND SINNERS! GOD IS COMING TO PURGE THIS WORLD OF IT'S WRONG-DOERS!!!"

... All while shoving a tattered Bible in my face.

Now, this had me shitting in my pants (which sucked obviously because my pants were freshly laundered). I had absolutely no clue that God was coming! I mean... this was so unexpected. I need to spruce up and put on some un-shat pants.

Suddenly, the sky parted and an elderly man enveloped in light descended to earth.

Dre: Holy shit! God really is White!
God: Calm down, stupid. I'm here to purge this world yada, yada, yada...
Dre: So wait... Is this the Rapture?
God: What else would it be?
Dre: Well I dunno... It just seems a bit... uneventful
God: You people always want a freaking show. OK fine.
Muslim God: WAIT A SEC! What the hell is going on here?!?!
God: Ignore him. He's just an old college buddy of mine. He won't accept that I run shit around here.
Muslim God: Who has the bigger following? Yeah that's what I thought.
God: Dude... don't you have some infidels to go slaughter?
Jewish God: At least he's not going around having illegitimate children!
God: Who asked you? Jesus was a blessing.
Jewish God: Hey kid... I would never father a son out of wedlock. And if you join me you get to wear this nifty hat and run Hollywood.
Dre: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you know I don't actually believe that... who knew Jewish God was an anti-Semite
Jehovah's Witness God: Hey, have you guys ever heard of me?
God/Muslim God/Jewish God: Great.......
Dre: I'm sorry we're not interested
Jehovah's Witness God: I'll only take a minute of your time. Why don't you look over this pamphlet.

At this point all the other God's discreetly edged away and ascended back to their respective heavens while Jehovah's Witness God yapped my ear off for the next 2 hours about how great he is. When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise I said...

Dre: Have you ever considered that you may be wrong?
Jehovah's Witness God: I'm God. I can't be wrong.
Dre: Yeah, but so are they. You can't all be right.
Jehovah's Witness God: Have you read the pamphlet?
Dre: I actually did. And there's really no significant difference between any of you. If I lead a good life I'll get salvation right?
Jehovah's Witness God: I guess...
Dre: So back off and stop whoring yourself out... I've got some shitty pants to clean
Tom Cruise: Hey... You guys should take this awesome test!
Dre/Jehovah's Witness God: Great..............

Case File: Relaunched

2007-07-26T23:59:00.000-05:00

Well look at this. It looks like there's been some new stuff going on here. www.themindofdre.com has been relaunched, acting as an online portfolio of sorts.

Sounds cool?

Well, it is to me.

There's been a quote/unquote reset of many things lately (I guess if I'm writing this I could've just put the word "reset" in quotes.... hmmm... whatever)... I'm prepping to finish up my MCSE in the next few months. I've got these various projects going on. And I'm working as hard as humanly possible to claw my way out of he Sallie Mae ditch. Fun times.

Well... I'm lazy at the moment. A real entry will be posted soon. It seems like the web-junkie thing to do, but just to (hopefully) gain an audience, I'll be updating every other day... literally.

Happy surfing, bitches.

Case File: Organized Chaos - Random Thoughts Part I

2006-11-28T02:23:00.000-05:00

What's up readers... All 2 of you... Look What time its is!

Its almost Jesus Who? Day!... Go Santa and Best Buy!

God bless capitalism

Anyway

My first crack at a novel is still coming along... I've fleshed out some characters and yes... there will be some loosely based on people I know or have met... Have fun figuring out who they are

What sucks is that I have 908257039 ideas right now for projects I want to work on... so I'm jotting them all down... from websites to novels to art designs and photography compilations... my mind is on overdrive...

Not all my ideas are good, however... some absolutely suck...

Note: Icy Hot + Masturbation = A grown man crying

But I digress... here are my random thoughts of the night since I can't seem to sleep at the moment (2:38 am)

- Push Pops used to be dope
- Life is simple... It's the people that complicate it
- Creativity is the closest thing to recapturing your youth
- Stomach viruses suck
- Spontaneity is the second closest thing to recapturing your youth
- I could die a happy man if I knew I was remembered for something special... even by a few
- My father is the man
- I hope to god this New Year's is better than the last (it's a hell of a story)
- Speaking of... I admire great storytellers... whether oral or written
- No matter how sophisticated you are, a good dick and fart joke can make anyone chuckle
- I will kill you if you watch Laguna Beach... No seriously... I will
- Dude... I still have that fake Paul Frank watch... weird
- Tattoo number two is coming sooner than you think
- Greeting cards are wack... why get some pre-written crap when you can write something on your own?
- Sometimes you only get one chance at grabbing for that one thing you've always wanted... Go get it
- Digg.com rocks
- IM me if you're interested in reading the first few chapters of my book... I need opinions =/ (soulknowledge1)... and no... I wasn't angry when I wrote it
- Family Guy is funny but overrated
- My partying days are coming to a close
- I had the weirdest dream about booking a trip to Greece... so I think that's where I want to go next
- I'm gonna try beef again for the first time in years... someone call PETA

I think I'm finally getting sleepy... cool

Take this blog entry and make use of it my children

And no... I didn't masturbate with Icy Hot... but there's a funny story behind that one too

But I digress

Till next time

Case File: A Lesson in Lynching

2006-11-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

OK... so I was going to post a blog about my experience in Jamaica, but that can wait till the next one... Why?... Well for those that have heard the news Michael Richards (aka Kramer from Seinfeld) went off the deep end on Friday... He got pissed at some hecklers and proceeded to say how they would have been lynched 50 years ago and asked them to be kicked out because the were "niggers"

OK...

Afterwards I saw the story come up on www.digg.com and I decided to go through people's comments on it... The most frequent comment was "Black people say nigger all the time"

So do racists

I have never agreed with the use of the word nigger by ANYONE... It doesnt matter if you spell it nigga or nigguh or whatever other spelling you choose to use to justify its use... I wont, however, tell people not to use it, as we have freedom of speech in this country..

Blacks have had a painful, storied history in America... and to be frank, I'm quite sick and fucking tired of the casual nature in which the word nigger is used... I wouldn't have been so adamant about this before, but lately I have seen a gradual "niggerfication" of America... what do I mean by that?

Flavor of Love

Chicken Noodle Soup (The dance's roots are from minstrel shows)

The Yin Yang Twins

Miss Jones in the Morning (Hot 97)

Fry That Chicken

"Chain Hang Low"

Need I go on? Why don't we just start rocking Black face again and resurrect the minstrel show?

E-fucking-nough

Now I know there's a thin line between comedy and ignorance at times (i.e. the line dividing Dave Chappelle's social commentary and Flavor Flav's hoodrat convention) but enough is enough... I've been seeing this shuck and jive shit go on for far too long...

It's hard enough to be dark skinned in this world (not just Black... because it's too broad of a category... and not just America because being dark skinned is unacceptable in so many places)... but Christ if it isn't so much harder being a Black American in this world without being considered humankind's punchline.... am I exaggerating? See things from my perspective...

Black Americans have countless negative stereotypes going against them, even by other Black people in other countries... I've seen it... No, I don't have a chip on my shoulder, but I've seen this bull too many times... I'm friends with numerous different races, but at times still wonder how their parents would react if the brought a Black girlfriend/boyfriend home... In Jamaica, Black Americans are often seen as lazy and stupid (No fucking lie)... My boy Lu told me in Japan, people will refuse to sit next to a Black man on the trains...

But I suppose I should overlook this... Malcolm X was murdered less than 50 years ago... and look how far we've come since then...

Sorry if this post is more serious than my previous ones (it's also much more unstructured)... but I had to write something...

Thanks for reading. This rant has been brought to you by Andre C Griffiths and the Angry Black Man Society.

Case File: Hi Grandma

2006-11-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Two posts in a row... I'm on a frakkin roll

11/07/2006 at 5am I'll be on my way to Jamaica. I haven't been back home in 7 years. Practically a prodigal son. Everything for the trip was literally set up today... I've never been much of a planner and don't intend to start being one anytime soon... spontaneity is the one thing that keeps me feeling detached from the monotony of everyday life.

But I digress...

I think i need this vacation to - for lack of a better phrase - get the fuck away from it all... This trip isn't necessarily for recreation as much as it is for family... truth be told, living in the States has caused my to lose touch with my most of my blood relatives, and let's be honest, life is too short for that sometimes

Morbidity aside... thanks to whatever higher power (i.e. God, fate, Eva Longoria) you believe in for helping me achieve this last minute excursion.... High-five big guy... you're the best...

To whomever reads this... see you in 1.5 weeks

Gwan now... meh hafeh get ready

...With a Cool New Minty Taste...

2006-11-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

So it's been a while since I posted... (how many people actually read this crap anyway?)

Since the last time I posted, I put the "mini autobiography" idea on hold only because I suck at tracking people down and getting on them for not writing up their parts... It's not a dead idea though... I'll resurrect it sometime.

For now I've been working on my first novel... yes you heard it... after years of short stories and half-assed ideas that I never completed, I'm actually 6 chapters deep into a weird mind fuck of a dark comedy... The concept is pretty far fetched and right now much of it has been character development... The short explanation: The protagonist is a guy by the name of John that is so disillusioned and jaded by the superficial nature of the corporate culture in LA that it begins to drive him over the edge. Soon he creates this entire convoluted plot to trick his co-workers into killing each other. Weird, eh?

My writing style is structurally untraditional, but I figure that's the way I'll differentiate myself... That's how I faked my way through College English II... (Take THAT Seton Hall educational staff!)... I don't know how good I am of a writer beyond short satiric articles, but I guess this will be the actual test... I'll explain more on the concept later as I'm getting ready to see "Borat"... I'm a sucker for mustachioed comedians...

Side Note: themindofdre:PROJECT is finally almost complete... 3 more tracks to be done

Wise Man Say: Shit or get off the pot - Kevin Smith

Later kids

Case File: The Mind of Dre Project

2006-07-05T12:10:00.000-05:00

So I had this idea a while ago for "The Mind of Dre Project." I while I anticipate that most people don't care what's on the mind of anybody other than Brad Pitt and the Olsen Twins... I figure hey... why not give it a shot.

The first chapter in this process is a book idea I had... You see... I figure that everyone has a story to tell... so I had this concept of a collection of short autobiographies... stories and anecdotes from random people... hopefully they'll be of some interest...

Cool concept?... I certainly hope so... I'm not quite sure how it'll work out, but I'm sure I can make it happen... ideally there'll be some thought provoking as well as humorous stuff in there.

If you want to contribute to this project... let me know!... I'm looking for about 20 different subjects... no matter how stupid, fucked up or what have you... as long as it's interesting... we can keep names anonymous if you choose to...

I'm looking to have this completed by Spring '07 or earlier.... get at me for details, fuckers!

Case File: Ghetto Gourmet

2006-06-11T13:12:00.001-05:00

For those that don't know, I live in Paterson, NJ. It's not quite lifestyles of the rich and famous out here. Some may even label it as the hood. Tomatoes, "to-mah-toes." I call it home.

That being said (Yes there was a point to that intro) yesterday I went to the supermarket for my parents on the hunt for some barbeque snackage. I see a middle-aged woman in the snack aisle looking rather perplexed. She looks at me and says, "Do you know where they are? This place is impossible."

"What are you looking for?" I'll bite. I've never seen someone confused by chips before.

"Where are the Funyuns? Do they sell them here?" She looked pretty distressed. Chick must love her faux onion products.

"I don't think so," I replied, "But they have these Wise Brand Onion Rings! =D" Yes, I even said "equals D" at the end because just smiling wasn't enough... I had to translate it in Internet Junkie as well.

"O my son won't eat those. I call that the ghetto brand."

"Ghetto brand?"

"Yeah. I'm from Conneticut, I'm just visiting family. We have Funyons where I live. Thanks for your help though!" And she smugly walks away.

Now let me get this straight... Wise Brand Onion Rings are ghetto... and Funyons aren't? It all makes sense now! I didn't realize that Funyons were so revered within upper middle class communities. I was under the impression that eating any imitation onion ring product was fairly "ghetto."

Whether I buy a fake Movado in Chinatown or Milan... I'm pretty sure it's still a shittily constructed watch.

So now I'm officially representing the Fuck Funyon Foundation. Yeah, I said it. Everytime you eat a Funyon a baby angel commits suicide. Seriously. They hate baby angels in Conneticut. Their state motto is "Die, baby angel, die!" Or something like that. Look it up... I think it's in the Bible somewhere or something.

"I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Puffy is good, but Wise-Brand is for the children!" - Old Dirty Bastard